well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Four minutes until I can fart!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
