Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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