I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
