I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
