Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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