Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
