amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
