Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
