I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you remember whose house we're in?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize