So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
