he thought i was a dude.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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