i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
