I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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