Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
