Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
