He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
