Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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