My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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