Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
