Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
