sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
