omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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