meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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