Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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