Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
