i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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