This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
