My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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