New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
