so that wasnt chicken after all
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
