Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
