pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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