My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize