I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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