Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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