dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
