on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
