I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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