Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
