Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
