laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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