I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
