At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
