We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
