I just pynch a tree in the face
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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