She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
