addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
