I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
