i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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