he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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