When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
