I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
