Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
