I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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