so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.