Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.