The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?