# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.