having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.