i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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